so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize