i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize