he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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