I can tuck mytits in my pants
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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