She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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