my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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