ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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