you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize