He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize