I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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