Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize