she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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