your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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