walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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