so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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