I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the raccoons are back...
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