I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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