I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize