I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize