omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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