The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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