I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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