just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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