I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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