One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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