If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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