I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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