they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
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He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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