so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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