I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize