I think my fart just growled at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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