There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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