Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I only lived at night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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