My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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