2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize