Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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