my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize