Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize