I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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