im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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