I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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