Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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