i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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