u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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