if i can run in heels then i can drive
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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