new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize