Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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