i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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