he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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