Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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